A · replicatedB+ / B / B− · solid to single-studyC · consensus
A
Emotional Security Theory
Davies & Cummings 1994 (Psychological Bulletin). Children's security depends on how interparental conflict is handled, not whether it occurs. Conflict resolved in front of children teaches that conflict is survivable; unresolved, contemptuous conflict teaches the opposite.
A
Interparental conflict, not divorce, predicts harm
Emery 1982; Amato meta-analyses (1991, 2001); Kelly & Emery 2003. Across four decades, destructive interparental conflict is the consistent predictor of child adjustment problems. A low-conflict two-home family outperforms a high-conflict intact one.
B+
Spillover
Erel & Burman 1995 (Psychological Bulletin; meta-analysis). Stress in the adult relationship leaks into parent–child interaction and back again.
A
Weekly coparenting check-in
Family Foundations RCT — Feinberg et al. 2016. Coaching the coparenting team improved child outcomes; a structured weekly check-in is the deliverable form.
A
Transition to parenthood
Shapiro, Gottman & Carrère 2000. Most couples' satisfaction drops after a first child; couples who maintain fondness, awareness, and a team frame hold steady.
B+
The invisible load
Daminger 2019 (American Sociological Review). Cognitive labor — anticipating, identifying, deciding, monitoring — is unequally distributed and largely invisible; hand off whole tasks including the noticing.
B
Off-stage disagreement
Clinical consensus built on Emotional Security Theory: calm disagreement in front of children is a lesson; escalating disagreement should move off-stage and return resolved.
B+
Gatekeeping
Schoppe-Sullivan et al. 2008 (Journal of Family Psychology). Maternal gate-closing predicts lower father involvement over time; it runs in both directions.
B+
Turning toward bids
Gottman & Levenson 1992. Responding to small bids for connection, far more often than not, distinguishes stable couples.
B+
Cooperative colleagues
Ahrons 1994, The Good Divorce. The realistic, protective target after separation is businesslike cooperation — not friendship.
A
Nonresident father quality over quantity
Amato & Gilbreth 1999 (meta-analysis); Adamsons & Johnson 2013 (meta-analysis). Authoritative, warm, engaged parenting in the time available — plus paying support — predicts child outcomes; contact frequency alone does not.
B−
BIFF communication
Eddy, High Conflict Institute. Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. A practitioner framework for de-escalating hostile written contact; clinical, not trial-tested.
B
Handoffs and loyalty binds
Emery 2004, The Truth About Children and Divorce. Children caught between parents — messengers, spies, sides — carry the measurable harm; short, neutral, child-facing handoffs minimize it.
C→B
Different houses, different rules
Kelly & Emery 2003; Emery 2016. Identical rules across homes matter far less than warmth and low conflict within each home.
B
Parallel parenting
Disengagement under persistent high conflict shields the child from the conflict that does the damage. Supported by the conflict literature above; the specific 'parallel' model is clinical consensus.
A
Red lines — coercive control
Stark 2007, Coercive Control; Jaffe et al. 2008. Joint custody and forced mediation are often contraindicated where there is a pattern of coercive control; the frame is safety, documentation, and structured legal arrangements, not repair.